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Douglas Hawthorne's May 2008 Commencement Speech

Deans, faculty and staff, family and friends, and especially graduates.

This is truly a day of celebration. A day to pause, take a deep breath, and acknowledge a milestone in your life.

In a few minutes, each of you will receive a special piece of paper - your diploma - something you can look at and touch and help you realize the end of a long journey. So now what? I'm sure many of you have answered that question already while others are still searching. With a "ticket to ride" what is the next station on your life's journey?

Giving advice at commencement ceremonies is often rejected out of hand. It reminds me of a story about being boastful.

A grandpa was a keen country sportsman and one day he decided to take his grandson shooting with him. Togged up in all his hunting gear, shotgun broken across his forearm, he proudly led little Jimmy down to the lake side. After waiting patiently for a while a lone duck came into view flying over the lake. "Now watch this Jimmy," says Grandpa. He takes careful aim and fires. The duck flies serenely on. "My boy," says Grandpa, "you are witnessing a miracle. There flies a dead duck."

I hope my one shot at you today will have better aim.

With this degree, both undergraduate and graduate, you feel prepared to step out into the work-a-day world and make your mark. Thirty-six years ago I sat where you are sitting today to receive my Master's Degree in Hospital Administration from Trinity University in San Antonio. I was ready to conquer the world. But what I soon learned was the real lessons were yet ahead.

One of the opportunities that has come my way is to be a Preceptor to over 25 Master's Degree students in Health Care Administration. From this experience, I would like to share some stories that may guide your thinking in the days and years to come.

The students I work with have completed their classroom work and didactic study and are now taking a year of residency to learn about the practical side of health care. Most of our time together is spent focusing on the value of relationships that one will encounter in their life's journey. Relationships are at the heart of any organization, a school, a hospital, an accounting firm, a law firm, a family, you name it - relationship building is establishing a connection with a person that is a transforming experience rather than just a transactional experience. Exceeding one's expectation is the goal of a relationship and with that accomplished, the door is open to achieve whatever our objective might be in engaging with that person or persons.

At the heart of these relationship-building conversations is trust. Your word is your bond and, knowing that people can depend on what you say to be reliable and consistent is critical to establishing trust. At the heart of trust is integrity. To be a member or to lead in any organizational setting, you must be able to let your life speak with honesty and openness. Parker Palmer, author, teacher, and senior advisor to the Fetzer Institute describes a leader as one who has the power to project light not shadows onto some part of the world and onto the lives of the people who dwell there. Your opportunity as you now cross a new threshold in your lives is to cast that light onto others.

As a Preceptor, my role is to challenge the graduates to be themselves - asking the question, what does your life intend to do with you? Let your life tell you what truths you embody so you can share them with others. In essence, to lead and create meaningful relationships, one must identify their own shadows before they can lead others to the light.

As the weeks progress and the students and I continue in our dialogue, we add the importance of character to our discussion. Your character will open new doors. Webster describes character as a pattern of behavior or personality found in an individual or group - one's moral constitution. Character gets right back to establishing solid relationships because it is what is acted out in the darkness. Character is who you are when everyone else around you is pulling you in another direction. Character is the inner you - the soul revealed.

An example of character, not unlike situations you will face in your life's journey, comes from well-respected golfer, Bobby Jones. Jones astounded the world of golf when he called a penalty stroke on himself during a world championship match. As he was preparing to hit the ball out of the woods, he accidentally tapped it. The judges did not see it and in fact, no one saw it. "I saw it", he said and with that admission and extra stroke, Jones lost the tournament he had been preparing for all year. When reporters questioned him later about why he did that, he said, "If I have a choice between winning a tournament and losing my honor, I'll choose to keep my honor every time." That is true character. As I share with the students the attributes necessary to get a top job, it will be character and integrity over experience every time.

Another element of relationship building is self-discipline - self-interest, laziness, greed are all actions that destroy relationships. Self-discipline first of all means you harness your thoughts. Unfiltered and random messages leave you vulnerable to others' programming. The most important element of self-discipline is that of controlling your tongue and your temper. Remember the WWII saying - Loose lips sink ships. It holds true today. Letting loose a volley of angry words that can never be taken back has caused the end of many careers and friendships and other relationships.

Finally, we talk about dignity and the impact it has on establishing and sustaining relationships. Laurie Beth Jones in her book, Personal Notes to the Graduate, describes it as follows: "Dignity is humility cloaked in love - dignity is one gift we are all equally given, and it is the one gift that only we ourselves can throw away."

So, my desire in this brief time we have together has been to share lessons learned in my own experiences since graduating from Trinity and I have attempted to share them with you who are advancing your life's work.

To conclude, I want to share some personal expressions that have come to have meaning over the years. They come from a variety of sources and tilt a little toward what I said I would not do and that is, offer advice. But take them as you will.

Tim Russert wrote a book entitled Wisdom of Our Fathers. It is a compilation of stories that sons and daughters have written about their dads. One is particularly relevant. It is entitled, "The Graduate" written by David S. Wrobel from Syracuse, NY, and he writes this about his dad.

My father was the strong, silent type who wasn't effusive or openly affectionate. I was the first one in our family to graduate from college. Two weeks before graduation, we were having a normal family dinner when out of the clear blue, my father broke into uncontrollable sobbing. He left the table, followed by my mother. A few minutes later she came back with tears in her own eyes. She explained that my father was overcome by the emotion of my imminent graduation from college, and that if it hadn't been for the Depression and the war, this was what he had hoped to do at my age. Never again did I see such emotion from him, and that included my wedding and the adoption of my only son. He passed away more than twenty years ago, but each spring, with the arrival of graduation season, I think back to the day when I learned how proud that strong and silent Stan was of his oldest son.

Be assured that today, there are people who are very proud of you.

Drop those people who have supported you along this important and remarkable life journey a personal hand-written note and thank them for their love and support. That note will never be forgotten.

My next reference that provides comfort and hope comes from Matthew 5, verses 3-10, The Beatitudes. They are about relationship building.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Words to live by.

And finally, some "one liners" that in a few words offer both wisdom and a little levity.

1. The fruit you reach for is better than the fruit that falls at your feet.
2. You've never gone so far down the wrong road that you can't turn around.
3. When you're green, you grow. When you think you are ripe, you get rotten.
4. Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
5. Every path has some puddles.
6. Nothing is impossible except peeking in a naked man's pocket.
7. Life is like juggling pitch forks, everyone knows when you mess up.
8. The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
9. What you are to be, you are now becoming.
10. Be history or make history.

Congratulations to each of you and Happy Trails!

Doug Hawthorne
May 10, 2008