DR. PETRUSO'S RULES
FOR A SAFE AND HEALTHY LIFE
- Never run down a staircase with both hands stuffed into your pockets.
- Never eat at a restaurant that has the word "pit" in its name.
- Never stick anything smaller than your elbow into your ear. Ever.
- Always wear swimming goggles (or at least sunglasses) when playing jellyfish baseball on the beach. Same goes for sea cucumber fungo.
- Never use your teeth to twist the cap off a tube of Super Glue™.
- If you ask your wife to brace the ladder while you prune the crape myrtles, make sure she stays on task.
- When you are laying down monolithic Doric columns--even relatively short ones--make sure you are not the guy who stands at the capital end. Those rascals are heavy, and they come down fast.
- Never use your tongue to wipe the peanut butter off your Swiss Army knife.
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