DR. PETRUSO'S RULES
FOR A SAFE AND HEALTHY LIFE

  1. Never run down a staircase with both hands stuffed into your pockets.

  2. Never eat at a restaurant that has the word "pit" in its name.

  3. Never stick anything smaller than your elbow into your ear. Ever.

  4. Always wear swimming goggles (or at least sunglasses) when playing jellyfish baseball on the beach. Same goes for sea cucumber fungo.

  5. Never use your teeth to twist the cap off a tube of Super Glue™.

  6. If you ask your wife to brace the ladder while you prune the crape myrtles, make sure she stays on task.

  7. When you are laying down monolithic Doric columns--even relatively short ones--make sure you are not the guy who stands at the capital end. Those rascals are heavy, and they come down fast.

  8. Never use your tongue to wipe the peanut butter off your Swiss Army knife.


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