Parent Newsletter January 2007
Dr. Dawn Remmers, Director, University Advising and Student Success, University of Texas at Arlington
As the hustle and bustle of the holidays end, and we pack up our decorations, remember that your student will be packing too, as he or she returns to campus for the Spring term.
Along with new class schedules, this term also brings with it the anticipation of UT-Arlington’s Homecoming beginning February 17th and Spring Break which takes place the second full week of March (12-16). The months of April and May will bring Baseball, Softball, Friends of the Library and of course, final exams.
Also for the New Year, the Parent e-Newsletter will touch on articles that we hope will inform, educate and enlighten. Some of the topics we hope to present this year include discussions on mentoring, scholarships & financial aid, mental health, safety awareness, and much more.
Be sure to check your email each month and Best Wishes for a Happy and Healthy New Year!
Confrontation is NOT a four-letter Word
by S. Ellen Myers, LPC, Counseling Specialist in Counseling Services, University of Texas at Arlington.
You THOUGHT you were prepared for winter break with your student. You had talked about your expectations of the weeks at home following the Fall semester – house rules, curfews, how much time you expected your son or daughter to spend at home and how much freedom he or she would have to visit friends. You bought that special gift from the wish list and prepared all the favorite foods.
YIKES! What happened? Was there tension, miscommunication, perhaps (let’s be honest) even an outright argument? Is your student returning for the Spring semester feeling misunderstood and criticized and are you secretly, with a strong dose of guilt, relieved to return to life without him or her around the house so much?
This newsletter comes too late to help you avoid any semester break confrontations, but hopefully it will help you handle future “discussions” in a way that leaves both you and your student feeling good about your developing parent/adult child relationship.
Grades are a common source of conflict between parents and their college students. Seeing your student slip from the “A-Honor Roll” or perhaps even seeing him fail all classes is, of course, a disappointment. Although low ability may be an explanation for low grades, in students who have been admitted to UT Arlington, low grades are more often the result of some other problem. If you focus on the grades and confront your student with anger, threats and accusations, you will probably not learn what the real problem is. Whether the problem is grades, drug/alcohol use, sex, money, or time management, this aggressive confrontational style often leads to resistance to change, escalation of anger and negative emotions and damages the relationship.
While punishment, threats, and ultimatums sometimes result in behavior change, such change is usually short-lived if your student does not recognize the problem and the need to change from within. Effective change occurs when the student has the desire to change, takes responsibility for self-change and believes that he or she has the ability to change. How do you help your student get to that point?
Confrontation is not a “four-letter” word. It is about communication and is a necessary tool for effective communication in interpersonal relationships. How you go about it will determine whether the lines of communication open up or shut down. Do not begin the conversation in a moment of anger, shock, fear, or surprise. It’s okay to say, “I’m too upset to talk about this right now. Let’s get together after dinner to discuss it.”
When you do begin the conversation, in a calm voice identify the problem as you see it using “I-Messages” such as “I am upset about your grades this semester. Let’s talk about what happened,” rather than “You-Messages” such as “You really disappointed me this time! What are you going to do about it?”
Ask open-ended questions that let your student know you are willing to listen. “Tell me about _____,” or “What are your concerns about _____?” or “How do you see this problem?” Then truly listen with empathy, acknowledging your student’s point of view and accepting the student’s perspective, regardless of your own wisdom or feelings at that point.
Gently help the student discover how his or her own behaviors and attitudes may have contributed to the problem and negatively affected the accomplishment of goals for the semester, whether personal or academic. “Going to parties and making new friends is a normal and important part of college life. I can understand why you spend a lot of time having fun with friends. I wonder if too much involvement in the social scene affected your ability to do well in your classes?”
When the student begins to recognize the problem and express his or her own concern about it, then the student is ready to change. “I didn’t realize how much time I was spending with ______. I need to spend more time studying, but I’m worried about losing my friends too. I’m not sure I can do both, but I want to try.”
At this point the confrontation is over and you are working together to create a plan for your student’s success. The student must take responsibility for the change. Your support, encouragement, and affirmation will help your son or daughter believe that change is possible.
This example is primarily academic, but the process of handling confrontation through effective communication will work with other issues as well:
1. Do not begin the confrontation when emotions are out of control.
2. Identify the problem as you see it, using “I-Messages.”
3. Ask open-ended questions and listen with empathy.
4. Remain open to the idea that YOU may be the one who needs to change.
5. Find something positive to say to the other person, even when you still feel angry.
Not every confrontation will end with positive change or even compromise, but using the tools of effective communication will keep the lines of communication open and help to establish and maintain a healthy relationship with your college student.
UTA FORT WORTH!
The University of Texas at Arlington is opening a new location in downtown Fort Worth this month. The new center will offer graduate programs convenient to the business community. It will be located in the historic Santa Fe Freight Building.
To read more about UT Arlington Fort Worth Center programs, click here.
by Liz Hannabas, Coordinator of Advisor Outreach, University of Texas at Arlington
Lynn Peterson, Associate Dean for Academic Affairs for the College of Engineering
Our Maverick this month is one with vision. This is evident in the way she speaks about her students and her colleagues. She believes her role is to help the student see their vision, through hard work and motivation. And, when she speaks of her colleagues her belief of a true Maverick is defined: “One who has a vision and the determination to take an independent stand apart from his associates in the fulfillment of that vision.”
Dr. Lynn Peterson has worked at UT Arlington for almost 25 years. She speaks with pride about the establishment of the College of Engineering Counseling and Advising Center (CAC). “This center has been under development for four years and has been the Dean’s Office’s primary recruiting, outreach and retention arm.”
Lynn has seen and been a part of many integral changes which have occured in the College of Engineering. She has served as faculty advisor to the Joint Council of Engineering Organizations and has been able to work with, as she says “many strong and developing leaders who seek to improve the educational experiences for all students in the college.”
As Associate Dean for Academic Affairs for the College of Engineering, and Professor in the Department of Computer Science and Engineering, Dr. Peterson’s vision inspires us to contribute to UT Arlington’s growth and success. It is with much pride the Office of University Advising and Student Success announces Dr. Lynn Peterson as January’s Maverick of the Month!
Graduation Requirements
Every student who attends UT-Arlington must meet specific requirements before they can graduate. These requirements include declaring a major, achieving a 2.0 cumulative GPA,
completing a minimum of 36 advanced units with 18 of these units completed in residency.
Students must also complete 25% of their total degree units in residency, and finally, complete the total number of units required to obtain their degree. These total units will vary by major.
For more information on graduation requirements from the University of Texas at Arlington please click here.
Stay current with what’s going on around the UT-Arlington campus with these handy calendar links.
The academic calendar will provide class schedules for all upcoming terms and will also include registration, add/drop dates, census and a final exam schedule. The featured events calendar can inform you and your student about upcoming sporting and musical events.
Want to find it all in one spot? Click on the full calendar link and you’ll find both the academic and featured events combined.